What are memories to you?

Memories are not exchangeable or tradeable assets. They are only faded away by being forgotten; till they are fully forgotten, they are always around you, being something that brings you happiness, or the opposite. I was away from my hometown to the UK for an educational purpose for 7 years. I had psychologic disease, that I miss certain places and time. Naturally I started to forget and not to distinguish what is real and fantasy. However, there is a certain time that brings me to reality – sunset. When the sun sets is my most favourite time. By seeing the red and orange paints graduating to black at the horizon I could rephrase my thoughts and empty them. Despite my works shows the sunset beautifully, they contain my wander in my past, not satisfying the present I live in due to unforgettable memories . I was away from my hometown to the UK for an educational purpose for 7 years. I had psychologic disease, that I miss certain places and time. Naturally I started to forget and not to distinguish what is real and fantasy. However, there is a certain time that brings me to reality – sunset. When the sun sets is my most favourite time. By seeing the red and orange paints graduating to black at the horizon I could rephrase my thoughts and empty them. Now I cannot say which is my reality and which is  my past and fantasy.  I would always be at the place where there always is sunset, waiting for time to pass by. I hope my time to be warm like the sunset, coloured with warm-orange and pink. But at the same time, I hope the time wouldn't go on. I am fearful to see myself being disgraceful.

Nowadays people are used to using digital media. Although there once was a time that people used analogue ways, we choose to do something in a digital way. So, we lose chances to see beautiful things around us; I do the same. I take photographs with my cell phones or digital camera, not using a film camera I had to be careful to photograph every moment, trying to save films. Easier I take photographs, less I give interests to my surroundings including my loving people or things. However, the fearful fact is that I'm used to seeing them in digital. I was wondering why I was addicted to things digitally saved; but later I had to admit this: I was so, because I had desire to live in the past that was the real, not my fantasy. The digital world satisfied my desire.

The time doesn't wait for us. Stopping my daily life for a moment and looking back it, I only can see emptiness in my mind. why can't the current time make me happy? I can rely only on the past long ago. The past defines who I am. I will always be where there is only sunset, waiting it to pass by. I want my time always to be warm and full of orange light. However the reality hits me with unexpected feelings that I do not want. I bag that I can hold my time not to pass away. 

My family once asked me why I named my works "resenting memories," despite they were good memories. They are good memories, for sure. They made me happy and I want to go back to that time. But they also push me harsh. Everyone knows it, I bet. But let me ask you; what do you think if they keep coming to you, making you so exhausted? They often make your day, but they also make you hard, making you want to go back to that time. To me, letting my mind be in the past blocks me to go back to reality for a long time; I cannot focus on my daily life, not being able to follow my schedules. So, I cannot say I have a good relationship with my memories which always hang me on the gallows - meaning not able to live in the present. But I hope that people would get some composure from my works, reminding each one's memories which can help you to smile while seeing my works.